After the pictures were done, John took Erin to entertain her because she was so fussy and I worked with the photographer on which pictures I wanted to keep. After some time we finished and Cecily, Caleb and I looked all around for John and Erin. Caleb found them in the boys bathroom. I came to find out that Erin had thrown up (six times) all over John in his suit, the JCPenny Portrait Teddy Bear, the bathroom floor, and some of the JCPenny Department store (Sorry JCPenny's)! The portrait studio didn't make us pay for the ruined teddy bear (we threw it away of course).
Erin had a full breakfast and plenty of snacks before the pictures and then we added some Oxycodone that made her nauseous! Poor thing! And to think that she sat there during the pictures on the verge of hurling!
Then we had a big day of celebrating Caleb's 4th birthday. All the time in my mind I'm thinking that I need to check her diaper area to see how that Cellulitis is looking. But, I didn't. I just don't want to drive back to Primary Children's and get her admitted. We are scheduled for an ultra sound on her celllulitis on Wednesday morning and then they were going to admit her for her last round of chemotherapy. It really looks like that is not going to be the plan.
I finally just called the On-Call Oncologist. I held off doing it because Erin doesn't have a fever and she doesn't show any signs of pain and basically I just didn't really know what to do about it. I talked to a Resident (the On-Call Oncologist) and she told me that we need to visit the ER (at Primary Children's) tomorrow and get it checked out. She also told me that our Oncologist, Dr. Katoua, would be in tomorrow morning so I plan to call him then. We will most likely be taking her to the Primary Children's ER tomorrow, that is, if it still looks awful. They will probably have to admit her and have the cellulitis cut open and drained because it is probably abscessed.
There were a lot of PROBABLY's in that last paragraph. I really am bummed about all of this. Seriously, it is crazy that with the intensely high doses of chemo and all the serious side effects that can happen . . . we end up with a cellulitis! It could be so much much much more serious. I should be more thankful.
I guess I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of carting Erin off to Primary Children's and I'm tired of having our family apart so much. I don't like the stares that strangers give us when we they see our bald child. I don't like that there are tubes sticking out of my daughter. I don't like that our lives are so unstable right now. I'm tired of being tired. I'd like to not be interrupted by Erin's IV pumps and just sleep through the night. I just wish that we could live a normal life.
Tomorrow will come, and I'll have more details on what we're going to do. The next day will come and then the next day will come and then eventually we'll be done.
We are in the "endurance" stage.
We just plain endure.
That's what life is about right, endurance?
just the ability
to bear a hard thing,
but turn it into
- William Barclay
So now the question is . . .
how do I turn this dreaded cellulitis into glory?
"I learned from the example of my father
that the manner
in which one endures what must be endured
is more important than the thing that must be endured."
- Dean Acheson
Ahhh, so my attitude makes a whole lot of difference.
I need a better attitude.
Does anyone have some to spare?
P.S. here's our family picture.