On June 1, 2010 our two year old, "Little Air Bear," was diagnosed with Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) Type M7. After enduring 146 days at Primary Children's Hospital, Erin is now in remission and living a full life at home with our family. Her strong will and constant happy smile is an inspiration to us all. Through our difficult circumstances we found great strength and peace in our Savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you for checking in on us.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

So Many Feelings

Erin is going to be admitted to Primary Children's on Friday morning. Dr. Katoua got the lab results from her bone marrow and spinal tap and the nurse told me that they were clear. I asked her if she had a percentage for me (I'm hoping for 0% Leukemia cells in the bone marrow), but she didn't have any numbers to give me and told me I'd have to talk to Dr. Katoua tomorrow when we check in. Since they are going ahead with Chemotherapy Round #3 then I assume that a "clear" bone marrow means 0% Leukemia cells in her marrow.

Today her ANC is 900 and her platelets were 390 (400 is normal) so I'm feeling pretty good about how she is doing right now. She's so healthy and strong and I hope that will continue as she starts her Intensification round of chemo tomorrow.

I have such mixed feelings right now. Sometimes I just want to cry about how awful this round of chemo sounds (the chemo drugs will be 10 times stronger). I keep having feelings like I just want it to all disappear. I wish we could live normally like we once did. I think the times before she goes back into the hospital are always the hardest for me. I'm nervous that my oldest is starting Kindergarten amidst this really crazy time and I hope that I can be a good Mom for her as she starts school. We are trying so hard to make our lives as normals as possible for the other kids through music lessons, dance lessons, and preschool. I am happy that we have had such a wonderful time together during this little break. I'm thankful that it's warm outside and that it's sunny! I'm thankful that we've been able to spend so much time at Bear Lake away from the pressures of everyday life.

Today as our home health nurse changed Erin's dressings on her central line Cecily decided she wanted to watch. She sat curled up on the couch in her new princess blanket for most of it and a few times I saw her covering her eyes. When we were finished she came and gave Erin a huge hug and just held her as a tear rolled down her cheek. Cecily is such an amazing big sister. She is a comforter to our Little Air Bear. She is so kind and willing to do whatever she can to help Erin feel better. This morning she was watching her new birthday movie "Strawberry Shortcake" and Erin wanted to watch a Baby Einstein's movie. I told Erin she would have to wait until Cecily's movie was over, but Cecily looked up and said, "she can watch her movie if she wants to." Then Cecily put Erin's movie on for her. She is so selfless and I can see how Heavenly Father is blessing our family at this time.

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