On June 1, 2010 our two year old, "Little Air Bear," was diagnosed with Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) Type M7. After enduring 146 days at Primary Children's Hospital, Erin is now in remission and living a full life at home with our family. Her strong will and constant happy smile is an inspiration to us all. Through our difficult circumstances we found great strength and peace in our Savior, Jesus Christ. Thank you for checking in on us.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Daily Updates

I made it to Primary Children's this cold foggy Thursday morning.  I swapped places with my mom.  I am so thankful that my mother (and father, little sisters Emarie & Erin and Aunt Diana) have been so willing and able to stay with Erin. I am so thankful for all of those who have so kindly taken Cecily and Caleb into their homes.  The kids are so brave and strong when they are away from their parents so much.  And now, it's officially Flu Season at Primary Children's so children aren't allowed to visit in ICS, which means that Cecily and Caleb aren't allowed to come see Erin anymore.  I'm thankful we all got together here last Sunday!

Erin's ANC is zero (so far it's been 15 days at having a zero ANC).  Her white blood count dropped to 0.4 (it was 0.6 yesterday).  A normal white blood count is 6.0-17.0.  Her monocytes and bands are zero and her lymphocytes are 100.  So, basically she is really zero zero zero when it comes to the immune system.  When her immune system starts coming up the monocyte and band numbers comes up and the lymphocyte number goes down.  She is getting a transfusion right now and it will run for 2 hours. 

She's getting her transfusion and eating Cheetos
(orange finger syndrome)

The HopeKids event last night was wonderful!  It was enjoyable to get out and the kids loved the pickelville performers.  We were able to meet the Gabeler family there from Hyrum that had a 4th grade boy who conquered AML 3 years ago.  It was WONDERFUL to meet someone who has been in remission for 3 years!!!!!!  We hear so many sad stories here and it is often difficult to meet people who have conquered AML because we often don't hear the success stories.

The snow and cold has really hit our home in Logan, the icicles too.  In fact, so much that the very long heavy icicles fell off our rain gutter and took the gutters and some of the siding off the front and back of our house.  It's going to be a long winter at this rate!  We're in touch with our home insurance and we hope they will be able to help out on the outside and on the inside where we have some water damage from when the roof leaked.  John and I keep laughing (and sometimes crying) about how everything is falling apart.  We are undergoing some serious trials right now, but I am so thankful to have John by my side!  Last night, as I was going to bed I just laid there and let the tears fall.  It felt good to cry a bit.  I've really felt sort of awful/tired/forlorn/depressed lately - I'm not really sure what it is I'm feeling.  And, it's not as bad as it sounds, I am just not my usual happy self.  Today as I snuggled Erin in her hospital bed my spirits were lifted so much.  I realized that I miss the touch of her little hands, the way she smells, and how she feels when she cuddles on my lap.  I think that I just really really really miss her.  I miss her being in our home with us.  I miss our family having the freedoms that a normal would have.  It has been 6 months and 1 day since Erin was diagnosed with AML.  Life is so different and I just hope, I really hope, that we will be normal again soon.


  1. I came to your blog from Rachel Steele's blog.

    You and your little one will be in my prayers.

  2. I'm thinking of you! Erin is surely a happy influence and tomorrow you'll have Anne too!!!!! Hugs!!!

  3. Jill, I'm sorry you're feeling down. I think it's definitely understandable!! I have bad days myself (bad couple of days actually) where I just don't feel like myself and I'm down for no apparent reason, and you are dealing with some pretty crazy, heavy stuff! Definitely understandable. I hope things start looking up soon and that Erin is able to come home soon, so you can all be together. We are praying for that!

    Erin is SUCH a special, sweet girl. I was thinking about her last night. Just the one time we met her really made an impression on me. She really is a special girl. I'm glad you get to be with her!

  4. Jill, hang in there!! We love you!

  5. Hi Jill,
    I have intermittently read your blog from Texas. I just have to comment today. I have been absolutely amazed at your strength, maturity, positive outllook, and testimony throughout these past six months. You have exhibited an immense amount of strength. You have literally cared for your family beautifully in very trying circumstances. It touched my heart to hear you say you're just not your happy self right now. You deserve to have such feelings. With Christmastime, they are probably magnified. I, for one, have been affected by your example. I hope you can allow yourself some down days and still know you are normal and also enduring well. You and John have truly taken this challenge in a most royal way. . . .I can't think of any other word. I know the Lord will continue to be with you and make you equal to everything ahead because you have righteously met this experience with honor. Merry Christmas from the Smiths in Texas. We're continuing to pray for you. Say hi to Annie!