After I left the hospital on Friday John and I took the kids camping at a family reunion. My mom offered to stay with Erin and let us have some family time together. It was so relaxing and fun! We feel ready to face new challenges.
Friday night was a particularly bad night for Erin. She started into a fever that was up to 103 degrees. She hardly slept a wink that night. She was given Oxycodone for pain, Tylenol to reduce the fever, Vancomycin to treat the possible infection, Meropenem to treat a possible bacterial infection, and Gentamicin to treat more severe infections. Thankfully her blood cultures show no signs of infectious growth so far. My mom said that they both slept around 5 hours throughout Saturday and that they both slept pretty well on Saturday night.
The fevers have burned up her platelets and red blood cells so today she had another red blood cell transfusion and tomorrow she'll be getting platelets. She hasn't eaten much other than a few M&M's and bread on Saturday and today she had some bites of cheese and a few bites of bread in the evening.
John and I showed up around 5:30 pm and Erin was really excited to see us. She kept pointing to each of us and saying our names. She hasn't seen her siblings for 2 weeks. Despite her high fever she played blocks, puzzles, and princesses with her brother and sister. John gave her a beautiful Priesthood blessing to help her sleep so that her body can heal. She fell asleep in my arms while I rocked her, the nurse took her vitals, drew some blood samples from her line to send to the lab, we gave her some of her meds, and took her temp, it was 102.9. I am still cooking from holding her, I can't believe how hot her little body is.
I have felt so many emotions today, it's been very draining. I felt such joy waking up this morning to the smell of fresh mountain air. When we told the kids we were going home they asked when the next camping trip is scheduled for. We love camping, it is so wonderful to be away from the busy-ness of the world.
When I talked to my mom this morning I felt sadness and a little guilt that I had such a fun weekend, while my mom and my baby were struggling in the hospital. I am over the guilt, it is important for me to have time away from the non-stop treatments at the hospital. The sadness has stuck with me, because I feel sad that my baby is so sick and that she is going through so much.
Today I felt a little bitterness. As we drove (once again) through the canyon and down the freeway I just really felt the monotony of this struggle and how long and pressing it has been on us. I felt a little bitter thinking that my daughter is confined to such a small space and that her normal family life has been taken away from her. I don't like feeling bitter, but for a few minutes I allowed my mind to wallow in a little grief. It is good to grieve, it helps me see what my blessings are.
Lastly, I felt peace and wholeness when our little family was here in Erin's hospital room. Family is so healing. Being together is healing. Life is too short to spend being away from each other. There are many things in this world that can distract us and can take us away from our families. We can be happy with less in our lives if we can have our family together.