Last night Aunt Diana stayed with Erin in the hospital while she battles her Acute Myeloid Leukemia M7 and today my mom is staying with Erin while John goes to some training and while I am teaching some piano students. I drove back to Logan with my heart pounding with excitement to see Cecily, Caleb, & John. We had our first night together in our home as a family since this upheaval.
It was bittersweet though. As I was getting ready for bed, my body routinely went to Erin's room to do the usual check-on-Erin-before-I-go-to-bed but her little bed was empty. Her room was so quiet and lonely. Her toys were nicely sitting on her shelves and there wasn't a pile of books on her bed. My heartstrings were torn as I realized that our family is NOT together. A small glimpse of eternity was opened up to me. I was given the perspective of how it would feel if I spiritually lost one of my children. Even as I lay in bed I couldn't feel her little Spirit in our home. It was an awful feeling and I try not to think of it as I am here.
I am so thankful that John and I have been sealed for Eternity by the Holy Priesthood in the Temple. There is no "death do you part" for our family. We are an eternal family and even though Erin's presence is not with us right now as she is living in the hospital we will forever be a family. The gospel of Jesus Christ and his Plan of Salvation for us is a true gift.
I can't wait to see her tomorrow. She has finished day 6 of chemo. Only 3 more to go! Her fever has been lower and the Doctor actually took her off of the antibiotic Vancomycin. When they did a blood test they found that it wasn't working well enough. I'm glad they took her off of it because the redness and itching was unbearable for her.
I taught piano lessons today and it was such a nice feeling to do something that is normal. Almost everything we do now is different than it used to be. I was such a scheduled mother and it's sort of chaotic feeling to not have a schedule anymore. My piano teaching is so organized and scheduled and so far it's really been the only thing that doesn't seem insurmountable. I am thankful for my talents and my abilities to share music with others.
Tags: "Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia" "AML" "Leukemia" "M7" "Acute Megakaryocytic Leukemia"
On this day, I have been planning for ten years to share a light of hope to someone else fighting cancer. I didn't think it would be a 2-year-old girl. Right now, it seems most appropriate.
ReplyDeleteIt was ten years ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors told me then that if I were alive in ten years, I could consider myself fortunate and celebrate.
Well, I'm still alive, and I'm celebrating.
So, Erin, you can do it. The fight can be won (with a lot of help from those seen and unseen). And, ten years from now, you can celebrate :)
THANK YOU Preston! That's so touching. We're celebrating your 10 years with you!
ReplyDeletei love your comment about piano lessons. i always feel like myself when i play the piano or teach, no matter where i am in the world...
ReplyDeleteit is so hard to be apart from our children. i hope and pray that Erin comes home soon and you can all be together.
SOB! I cannot imagine that feeling of seeing a little bed empty, but then how you were able to see the eternal perspective. How do people do it without the gospel?
ReplyDeleteJill,
ReplyDeleteWe love you! I'm sorry it is so difficult. You and your family are very loved and my heart goes out to all of you!!
That brought tears to my eyes.
ReplyDelete