Before Acute Myeloid Leukemia hit our 2 year old I was so on top of things. I am usually so detailed and organized. But ever since June 1, 2010 I haven't been able to keep track of what day it is. I continuously ask myself what day it is. This is so unlike me. John is feeling the same way. We have to laugh when one of us asks the other, "what day is it today?" We ask each other this question multiple times a day. It's a very strange thing and I hope it goes away soon.
Today we had to change the dressing on her central line. Usually the central line only needs to be changed every 7 days. We have been changing it every 2 days. I don't know if it's because her platelets are low so her blood isn't clotting. I don't know if it's because she tries to scratch at it all the time. I don't know if it's because she almost pulled the line out last week. But it just keeps bleeding and it is very bruised. I wish it would heal soon.
A few days ago (of course I can't remember the day) I was taught how to clean and put on her dressing for her central line. I watched once on "Chester" (a dummy chest with a central line). Then I did it once on Chester. Then I turned around and did it on Erin.
Half-way through I just about caved, but I was the only wearing the sterile gloves so I held back the tears and kept going. It took 2 nurses to hold her down and all the while she was kicking me in the face and screaming "stop it." When we were done I cradled her in my arms, I felt awful. I rocked her to sleep and then I went out to my car and cried for an hour.
Today I let the nurse change her dressing and I held her arms while another nurse held her legs. All the time she was screaming and I just kept telling her how strong she was and how good she was doing. I wonder if I was also telling this to myself. It is hard, but I am a strong person. Erin is strong too. Great miracles will and have come. We are ever aware of the Spirit in our little hospital room. Thank you for your prayers.
Tags: "Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia" "AML" "Leukemia" "M7" "Acute Megakaryocytic Leukemia"