Leukemia, Thoughts & Pictures

Acute Myeloid Leukemia, some random thoughts and a few pictures of my cutie.

--Erin's treatment was 7 1/2 months long, it has now been 7 1/2 months since she finished.  I can't believe it.

--The other night I had dinner with a bunch of other moms who have (or had) kids with cancer.  Associating with these women is the best therapy.  They completely "get it".  It is such a blessing to be a part of this group of cancer moms, I just wish I'd had it back in the beginning when I felt so alone.

--The thoughts of cancer never leave, I am reminded every day of the realities of cancer.  There is no escape.  I actually hate it more now than I did before, probably because I feel like it took so much away from us, especially from Erin.  It's like a year of her life is missing and that is hard to deal with. She has her 8 month clinic follow-up at the end of this month.  It scares me to death that we are going 2 whole months between blood test.  It just seems crazy to me, but I do have faith that all is well.

--Cancer helped us to understand more - to see the real big picture of what life is about.  We are more compassionate and sympathetic to others problems, we are more relaxed, and we enjoy our time together more than ever before.  We have a new focus in life that I am so grateful that cancer gave it to us.

--One thing that cancer really taught me was that everyone is on a different time line.  When we were in our deepest darkest times it was difficult to be happy when we saw others having success.  Then, it was difficult to feel complete joy when we were through with cancer while our many friends are still fighting the battle.  The reality is that there are times to rejoice and times to sorrow and we just can't be jealous of someone else's "time".

Now...on to the pictures!

Some Bear Lake fun with her cousin.  These girls are only 3 1/2 months apart in age, you can see Erin still has some growing to catch up on.

Enjoying a snack with her little friend who is a few months younger than Erin.  At Erin's 3 year old well-check we were glad to find that she is FINALLY on the chart for her height.  She went off the chart when she was about 6 months old and hasn't been back on it until now.  She is in the 8th percentile for height.  Her weight and head circumference are still off the bottom of the chart.  She is such a skinny mini.

Beach babe

All dolled up to play a little Pirates pinball.

Last week we had the opportunity to share our story and our feelings and advice about being parents who had a child with cancer during the filming of a cancer documentary. 

 Erin and Caleb chatting during some of the filming for the cancer documentary.  It was very interesting to hear Caleb and Cecily's thoughts on having a sibling with cancer.  The part that they both really talked the most about was when I shaved Erin's hair off.  They didn't think her hair was falling out, just that mom shaved Erin's head.  I guess there was a miscommunication in there somewhere.

The kids getting some energy out and playing together between filming.

Erin sharing some of her thoughts on cancer during the filming.  At first she didn't say much and got really shy, so John sat with her and asked her questions.

 It has been interesting to see what the kids remember about all that we went through.  Erin still prays every night "that Erin will be better."  Just the other day she excitedly brought me a picture that she had drawn and colored.  I said, "what is it?"  She replied, "the big O".  The big 'O' was the nickname for the CT Scan machine that we visited multiple times throughout Erin's treatment.  I think that the big 'O' has been the thing that has stuck the most in her mind.  She drew a big circle on the paper with a line going through the middle.  Pointing to the line she said, "that is the blanket" meaning the blanket that she used to be under when she went through the CT scanner.