5 Days

5 days left until Erin's one year mark!

Today I am thankful for

Acts of Kindness

During Erin's cancer there were many acts of kindness shown our family.  I first think of my dear sweet elderly neighbor who watered my flower boxes everyday.  Miraculously I had planted my flowers early, which ended up being a week or two before Erin was diagnosed with cancer.  My thoughtful neighbor trekked over to our house every day and watered all the flowers in the boxes attached to the front of the house.  My flowers had never looked so beautiful and they haven't looked that beautiful since.  I'm sure it was all because of the love and devotion she showed them.  If it wasn't for her simple act of love I'm sure I would have come home from the long stays at the hospital to a bunch of dead flowers.  Those beautiful flowers were a welcome sight every time I came home.

There were many times that we found surprises our doorstep.  The kids were especially thankful for some cookies that were door-bell ditched.  I just felt bad for whomever it was because they had to run through our sprinklers to get to the front door.

Last Christmas we were the recipients of some serious Christmas love.  For each of the twelve days leading up to Christmas we found a surprise waiting for us on our doorstep.  The kids, John, and I would get so excited each day, and we looked forward in great anticipation to each new surprise.  This act of kindness helped us pass some of the longest days when we were waiting for Erin's counts to come up so we could bring her home and finally be all together with our family.

A few months into Erin's treatment the routine really started to wear on us.  John and I were seeing less and less of each other.  I will always remember my post Two Ships Passing in the Night as John and I passed each other on the freeway during the 2 hour drive from home/hospital when we swapped places.  It was only a month later that John and I weren't able to celebrate our wedding anniversary together.  Some of our close friends threw together a big anniversary surprise for us.  Every detail was well thought out, even down to substitute babysitters for Erin while were away.  We never learned who the generous people were who donated to make our surprise possible, but you can see how happy we were in Our Anniversary Surprise post and know that we are still forever thankful for your thoughtfulness.

Just three days before Erin's second birthday and only 17 days into her first stay at Primary Children's we had a surprise visit from Belle.  I guess there was a patient in ICS that wanted to see Belle and so someone arranged for her to come visit that patient.  While she was in ICS she graciously gave of her time to visit not just that patients room, but she visited almost every other patient in ICS.  There are 24 rooms in ICS and she was there for several hours.  We were the last room in ICS and we were the last family she visited.  She was so beautiful, so kind, and she spent nearly 20 minutes playing with Erin.  She read her books and they chatted about their favorite things.  This Belle was the best princess I've ever seen, and we saw a lot of princesses at DisneyWorld.  I wish there was some way to locate her and tell her how grateful we were for her visit.  She was so thoughtful to spend so much time with Erin.

In the first weeks of Erin's cancer we were given a large amount of cash by a few friends.  It was such a miracle and a blessing because the amount of cash we were given matched (to the dollar) the amount of money we needed to fix our van so we could transport our family to/from the hospital.

I am forever grateful for the many acts of kindness that were shown our family.

"When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, 

ye are only in the service of your God."

(Mosiah 2:17)

8 Days

Only 8 days until we reach Erin's 1 year mark!

Today we are thankful for 

 Miracles

During Erin's cancer treatment we were the receiving end of many miracles.  A few I'd like to share with you...

The process of finding Erin's cancer was truly a miracle.  It was a Saturday and Erin and I had been playing together in her room and I marveled at how strong her personality and spirit were, but it also sort of bothered me that she was so small for her age (if you've met Erin you'll see that she is tiny...she looks a year younger than she is).  A short time later I rocked her to sleep and held her longer than usual and just watched her sleep in my arms.  I had a distinct impression that there was something wrong with Erin's body.  She had such a strong spirit, but her body was weak, it was lacking something and she looked sick.  I noticed the bruises on her body (we counted about 20 bruises on her body the day she was diagnosed) and that her skin was very pale, almost translucent.  While I rocked her I was reminded that I had a doctors order for a complete blood count test in my cupboard.  When Erin was younger she was anemic for more than a year so we did a few blood tests to follow that.  The following Tuesday (Monday was a holiday) we took Erin to the lab for a blood test and only 2 shorts hours later we found out that Erin had leukemia.  It is miraculous how quickly we caught Erin's cancer, we didn't even see a doctor to diagnose it, just that simple little blood test and a big miracle.  (This is a miracle because AML grows so rapidly we were able to catch it quickly without the hassle of mis-diagnosis)

It was a miracle how quickly we had family around us when we found out Erin had cancer.  I called my mom and told her and within 30 minutes I had my mom, dad, and my little sister here helping us out, praying with us, and giving us blessings before we left for Primary Children's.

During the first round of chemo it was very difficult for me to be in my home with Erin's empty bed in the next room.  It was also very difficult for me to be in the hospital separated from the rest of our family.  I worried so much that Erin would feel estranged or left out of our family and that it would create emotional problems for her.  When we started the second round of chemo I decided that it was important to make Erin's hospital room as close to "home" as possible.  I started praying that we would feel the spirit of our home in that little hospital room.  I also brought in a CD player and started playing music in her hospital room because we always have music playing in our home.  It was miraculous how that prayer was answered.  Every time I entered Erin's hospital room it felt like I was entering my home, there was a feeling of love and home in her room.  It was such a blessing to have her hospital room feel like home since she spent nearly a year living there.

During Erin's cancer we were assigned a new home teacher, Preston Parker who became a huge blessing for our family.  The first few months after Erin was diagnosed we didn't make any friends or get to know anyone else with cancer.  We felt so isolated, but Preston's monthly visits in our home were such a relief for us!  Preston is a 10 year cancer survivor and he understood so much of what we were going through.  It was amazing to talk to someone who got it, someone who understood us and understood chemotherapy. I truly count it as a miracle and a blessing that Preston was assigned to our family at that time.

There was a time during Erin's treatment when she got a horrible sore.  It became a big issue and started to affect her treatment schedule.  I was so worried about what would happen to her and the serious problems that could come from that sore gave me many many sleepless nights.  I took the opportunity to pray sincerely to my Father in Heaven in a peaceful place.  I asked God to make that sore disappear and to heal Erin immediately.  He didn't do that.  But, he did give me the most amazing feelings in my heart in answer to my prayer.  He opened my heart and helped me feel some of his love he has for Erin.  I could feel that he was worried about her too, he is her Father too.  Somehow I had overlooked the fact that God was Erin's father too and that he loves her even more than I do.  I count that understanding that he gave me on his love as a miracle and blessing.  He didn't heal Erin right away, but he healed my heart and helped me understand a little more about love.

"Miracles are natural. 
When they do not occur,
something has gone wrong."

All Seven Verses

I sat in a church meeting today and it was announced that we would sing all seven verses of the closing song.  "Boy," I thought, "I hope the final speaker doesn't go overtime, and I sure hope the organist plays quickly so we're not singing at dirge speed."  While wrestling (or should I say forcing) a child onto my lap I opened the hymnal to Hymn #85, "How Firm a Foundation."  Just two beats into the hymn, a flood of past experiences poured over me.  I could not believe that I had forgotten how important this particular hymn had been in my survival of Erin's cancer.

Looking back, I think that the two hour drive from our home to Primary Children's Medical Center wasn't so much a burden in travel and gasoline, but it had many blessings attached to it.  Our Bishop prayed for us in our home and asked our Father in Heaven to protect our family on the roads during the 7 1/2 months of traveling we did.  During my drives I would think of his prayer often and I knew that we would be safe.

On one particular drive I had the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's "Then Sings My Soul" CD playing.  I drifted off into vacant thought and didn't think much to the words.  Then, one word slammed at me like a ton of bricks.

"In every condition - in sickness, in health..."

Sickness?  During Erin's cancer, sickness was at the front of my every thought.  I wondered if God was trying to tell me something so I started the song over and listened more carefully.  The words felt as though they had been written for me.

continued on...
"...In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth,
At home or abroad, on the land or the sea-..."

I had just been home where I had such awful feelings from being a split-up family.  It always felt so empty without Erin's spirit in our home.  I was going abroad (well 2 hours from my home and down the freeway).

"As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand,
As thy days may demand..."

Ha ha, they had to say it three times because, oh yes, cancer entered our life and then began demanding a lot!

"...so thy succor shall be."

I realized that God was telling me that He loved me.  He would succor me, which meant that he would give me help, support, relief, aid and sustenance.  He really did all of those things while we were struggling.

The words to this hymn just kept getting more and more real for me, lines stuck out and touched me to the point where I was sobbing my way down Interstate-15.

"Fear not..."

They say that fear and faith cannot live in the same heart.  In the beginning of Erin's cancer I waffled back and forth between a lot of fear and some strong faith.   Cancer is scary, especially when it's in your own little innocent child.


"...I am with thee; 
oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid."

I was a little dismayed to realize that I felt God so strongly while I was driving.

"I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

A rush of relief fell over me to know that I would be strengthened to help Erin through this very difficult time.  Sometimes it was too hard to stand, and I would curl up and cry.

Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand."

Our Heavenly Father really is there for us.  He is the truth and righteousness, the way and the life.

I listened to this hymn for another hour, replaying it over and over until I drove into a parking spot at Primary Children's Medical Center.  It became a frequently played song for many of my long drives after that.

Singing it again in church today I felt so many raw and real emotions from those cancer days, but my eyes were opened greatly when the fourth verse came along.  The Mo-Tab didn't sing this verse on the CD.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not thee 'oerflow,
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee,
And sanctify to thee they deepest distress."

We were dumped into the deep waters of cancer.  It was awful, but I felt that this was something that I had chosen to experience back when I lived with my Heavenly Father, before this life.  There were turbulent rivers of sorrow along the way of this trial, I felt deeper sorrow than I had ever experienced; Not only our own sorrows, but the sorrows of dear friends around us.  My Heavenly Father was with us, and he has greatly blessed us for our troubles, even those that caused us the deepest distress.

Sometimes in the car on my hospital drives, I would sing along with the Mo-Tab and belt out my favorite lines,

"I'll never, no never, I'll never, no never,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

I felt deeply inside my heart that no matter how hard Erin's cancer was I would never forsake my God.  It sounds so simple, we don't forget Him and in return He blesses us beyond measure.

I am grateful that we got to sing all seven verses today (and for our organist who kept the pace up). I am grateful for the tender mercies our Lord sees fit to bless us with, especially the unexpected ones.

(To watch a video of the Mo-Tab singing "How Firm a Foundation" click HERE)

Remission: A Release From Anxiety and Pain

I will never forget the moment I found out that Erin had leukemia.  John and I were on and off the phone with our Pediatrician, my parents came to comfort us and mourn with us.  Time stood still.  All the while, Erin was sleeping peacefully in her toddler bed while John and I were in the next room weeping and praying.  We were scared, we felt vulnerable and beaten down.

A short while later, we slowly, very silently, entered Erin's bedroom.  Upon opening the door I could feel a special calming spirit in her room.  I am sure there were angels round about.  I have often wondered what Erin was dreaming about at that time.  Was she somehow being prepared for what was to come?  My father and my husband gave Erin a Priesthood blessing.  I stood there and stared at my perfect sleeping little girl.  She was 20 days away from turning 2 years old.  She slept so quietly, so beautifully.  I looked at her and wondered about the cancer swimming in her blood - taking away her precious life right before my eyes. 

I speak of these sacred first moments in our trial only to compare with something even more dreadful than cancer.  Cancer is subtle, it can overtake anyone's body.  It affects the rich, the poor, the famous, the weak, the beautiful, the ordinary, the short, the tall, the strong, the young, the old.  While someone is battling cancer, even if they are a stranger, we are drawn to help them, we cry with them, and we endlessly serve them.  The community bands together to help them overcome the cancer that is manically trying to overtake their body and kill it.

Sin is like cancer.  Its beginnings are subtle.  It starts with one small wrong doing.  Eventually, if it is not remedied, it can overcome someones senses, erase their judgement, the consequences of their choices can lead to their loss of freedom, and even their will to survive.  Nephi, a prophet from the Book of Mormon, wrote, "I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.  And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins." (2 Nephi 4:18-19)  Nephi's father, Lehi, once counseled his family to "shake off the awful chains by which ye are bound, which are the chains which bind the children of men, that they are carried away captive down to the eternal gulf of misery and woe."

Erin's cancer felt like chains.  We were chained to a hospital room.  Erin was literally chained to several IV pumps.  Our family was split, unable to be together.  Our hearts ached and groaned; we were often heavy with sadness.  When Erin was home between stays, we were bound to endless medications and a new lifestyle.  We were bound to hospital bills and worry about Erin's heath and future.  Our once free schedule became so erratic that we had little time for normal everyday pleasures.  We were completely weighed down and worn out by the effects of cancer.  There are over 30 children right now stuck in the cancer ward at Primary Children's Medical Center  - they are bound to their treatments unable to run in the grass hunting for Easter eggs.

To eradicate the cancer from Erin's body she received harsh strong hazardous chemicals that entered her body through a tube placed directly into her heart.  It wasn't easy for her.  She was extremely ill, the chemotherapy killed her bad cells and it killed some of her good cells too.  She lost her hair, she lost weight, she had serious infections, she threw up.  Her bone marrow, a staple for life that creates blood, was brought to the brink of death multiple times.  She had to suffer serious pain and sickness to be healthy again.  We knew that the chemotherapy would help her body be healed  It was a tough way to be released from the chains of cancer .

We too must be released from the chains of sin.  We need to have a change, from within the deepest parts of our hearts.  The change can hurt, it can be extremely difficult and sometimes lonely.  How I wish we could reach out to those struggling with sin in the same way an entire community reaches out to a person fighting cancer.

One of the most relieving and comforting words we heard after all of this was over was that Erin was in remission from her leukemia.  My friend Lizzie, whose infant son Andrew also has AML, spoke of how hearing that her son was in remission brought her "a release from anxiety and pain".

It is the word remission that is most important, especially at this Easter time when my thoughts are drawn close to my Savior.  "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." (2 Nephi 25:26) 

Upon finding out Erin had cancer we immediately sought out the source to heal her.  We would never have sat around thinking, "I'm too busy today, I have far greater things to do".  We should daily be actively seeking the one true source to receive a remission of our sins, our Savior.  Jesus Christ, a separate being from His Heavenly Father, who came to earth to fulfill the beautiful plan of salvation and offer Himself as a sacrifice on our behalf.

"The Lord hath redeemed my soul from hell;

I have beheld his glory,

and I am encircled about eternally

in the arms of his love." 

(2 Nephi 1:15)

Festival of Trees

Over two months ago my friend, and old college roommate, Angela Hatch Maxwell (whose little brother Steve also happened to married my little sister Erin) asked me if she could do a tree for our Little Air Bear at the Festival of Trees.  I was so touched and cried and hugged her when she asked.  Little did I know how much effort she would put into the beautiful tree and the great gift that she and so many others gave us through that tree.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Festival of Trees, it is organized and orchestrated by volunteers through the state and relies on the generous support of those who decorate and purchase trees, wreaths, gingerbread creations, playhouses, centerpieces, and quilts.  More importantly, every penny raised helps children at Primary Children’s Medical Center.  The Festival raised $1,522,497.22 in 2009!

Here is Little Air Bear's Tree Display. 

It was located at E-9.

The whole display.

Erin's picture in her red dress and white head band.

The gorgeous tree.

Little Air Bear (red dress & white headband)

and Daddy Bear, reading the Christmas story.

Mama Bear overlooking her family.

She was even wearing high heels!

Cecily Bear playing her piano.

Caleb Bear reading books.

The Nativity. 

Thank you to Angela's brother-in-law who built the stable.

Thank you to everyone who donated and purchased the tree.

It was a HUGE surprise! 

We didn't even get it at first.  We were so clueless.

I thought we were just coming to check out the tree and see how beautiful it was, but in the end we found out that it is being delivered to our house on Sunday by UPS who donates their trucks for this cause.

I wish so much that Erin could have been able to come see her tree, it was such a magical experience.  But, I think she will love to see it at home and play with her little bear.  She is such a loved little girl.

And truly how thoughtful that the tree came with a little extra something.

Thank you so much!

*♥**♥**♥**♥**♥**♥**♥**♥*

Our wonderful night didn't end there.

At 11:20 pm we picked up my sister Annie from the airport.

She was the best missionary in the Sweden Stockholm Mission

Welcome home Annie!

I have felt the Christmas spirit so much stronger this year than ever before. 

It is through our trials that we are blessed. 

Blessed with friends, family, love, and most importantly,

an understanding of

our Savior's love for us!

50 Cents

This experience of having a child with cancer has brought upon us beautiful blessings and a more sincere understanding of our Savior and His Atonement.  Along with that, it has also brought along pain and heart wrenching feelings. 

In the back of our minds we are constantly wondering if these beautiful moments with Erin will come to a short end.  The feeling of having her leave us comes and goes.  Some days I think, "I could do it.  I could survive this life knowing she is somewhere else doing far greater things."  And then other days, I think it would break my heart to not see her smiling face and hear her sweet melodious voice.

These are the feelings that we are constantly battling. 

It is something amazing to look at your child and see their inner beauty, their sweet spirit that you love so much.  To see them and to love them is a blessed gift from God.  It makes life so much more sweet knowing that we have been a part of Heavenly Father's plan in providing a body for our little girl.  He is so trusting of us to let us provide and teach His beautiful little girl.

These feelings and new understandings are a burden and a blessing to us.  The burden is the sorrowful feeling, but the blessing is seeing and understanding the greater picture of what life is all about. 

Brian, our 12 year old neighbor and friend, was listening to the quiet whispering of the spirit one day.  His brother gave him 50 cents.  He knew that he needed to give it to someone else.  There was one Sunday recently when our emotions and feelings were deep and tender.  Singing the hymns in church about our Savior and His sacrifice for us brought more and more feelings to the surface.  John and I were in tears.  Tears of grateful understanding of our Savior and tears of sorrow for the unknown.  At the end of our church meeting Brian gave us his 50 cents.  He said, "it isn't much, but it is something." 

It was way more than just something.  It was everything to us that day.  It wasn't the money that mattered, it was the number that mattered.

Erin is in remission of her cancer.  We are so thankful for that sweet blessing!  The next 5 years will be a big trial for us because with her type of Leukemia 50% of kids will relapse within 5 years.  The other 50% will stay cancer free for the rest of their lives. 

It is difficult to live with the feeling of wonder and the unknown.  But, we know that the Lord is mindful of us.  The 50 cents that Brian gave us was a little miracle for two tired worrisome parents.  We believe that Brian giving us the 50 cents was the Lords way of telling us that He knows what we are feeling.

We are grateful for the little miracles in our lives.  They make all things more bearable.  There must be opposition in all things.  We wouldn't know and be grateful for the miracles and blessings if we didn't have to feel the sorrow and grief for the trial.

A Little Prayer and Some Simple Faith

Erin is still very sick.  Her ANC is still zero.  Her temperatures have been getting up to 104.3 F (40.3 C).  She can only have Tylenol to bring the fevers down (She is not allowed to have Ibuprofen while she is being treated for Leukemia) and she can have it every 4 hours, but she isn't allowed more than 5 doses in a day.  Her fever hasn't stopped since it started so suddenly on Saturday morning.  I hope that we're near the end of this!  She gets so uncomfortable and cranky when she's burning up.  I feel so bad for her. 

We had an AMAZING night nurse last night.  I talked to her before bed and I was a bit frustrated to hear that she would be coming in almost every hour (or more) to check on Erin's heart rate, temperatures and to turn on/off medications and fluid on her pumps.  Erin needs good sleep to let her body heal.  To my amazement, both Erin and I slept so well!  Our nurse was a pro (her name is Amber)!  She never turned a light on and I never heard the door even open or close.  It makes all the difference when we get a nurse who lets us sleep well!  Erin slept from 9:30 pm all the way until 9:00 am with barely a whimper or cry.

Before Erin goes to bed she says her prayers.  She has always been pretty good at saying her prayers regularly, but she never lets us help her with the words.  She likes to say it by herself, and she almost always says the same little prayer. 

It goes like this . . .

"Dear Father.  Please help me.  Amen."

She has such sweet special faith. 

We've been playing the Primary Children's Songbook CD before going to bed and it really helps calm her down.  Last night, before we went to bed, I laid in bed with her and we chatted a bit about Jesus and Heavenly Father and how they love her so much. 

She told me, "Jesus loves Erin!" 

I said, "Yes, Jesus does loves Erin.  And Jesus will help you get better."

She said, "Yes, Jesus will help me."

Our Anniversary Surprise

THANK YOU!

You know who you are! 

Thank you so much for giving John and I some time together.

For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm talking about, let me explain.  Our good friend organized an Anniversary Celebration for us.  We have come to find out that he orchestrated it, but many others were involved in helping him pull it off and in generously contributing their means to make it all happen. 

We were given only a few instructions on what to pack and when I was supposed to go to SLC to pick up John.  He assured us that he had set up babysitters from Friday to Saturday in both Logan and at Primary Children's.  I arrived at Primary Children's at 2:45 pm on Friday.  I picked up John and we were given a stack of envelopes.  Each envelope had a time written on it with instructions on when to open it.  We were so excited to be able to spend time alone, away from the pressures of the hospital. 

And the treasure hunt begins . . .

 . . . we ended up at the Downtown Marriott where we checked into our room and dropped off our bags.

We had time to just relax before we needed to

open the next envelope. . .

so we went shopping at the Gateway.

Our 5:30 pm envelope had us show up at Caffe Molise

http://www.caffemolise.com/

which was just around the corner from the Marriott.

Wow!  If you love authentic Italian food then this is seriously the place to eat.  We were graciously greeted and taken to our table where our waiter, John (ask for him if you ever go), took amazing care of us.  He brought us complimentary champagne and he laughed so hard when we told him we didn't drink alcohol.  He then brought us Italian sodas and a most delicious appetizer.  We enjoyed salads and our entrees.  Then, we finished it all off over an absolutely mouth watering chocolate mousse cake.  Yum.  You've got to try this place!

The next envelope was at 7:30 where we arrived just east of the Capitol Theater.  After a bit of a treasure hunt we found out that we would be going to The Lion King at the Capitol Theater!  We were thrilled!  We got in our seats and browsed over the program.  Then, to our amazement, John's cousin and his wife showed up and just happened to have two seats in front of us.  It was so much fun catching up with them. 

What a small world.

We got a little silly waiting for the show to start!

The Lion King is AMAZING!  The costumes, lyrics, acting, dancing, EVERYTHING was so enjoyable.  John and I love going to the theater. 

This was such an enjoyable time and we just kept commenting on how wonderful it was to be alone.  It has been difficult for our family to be apart so much.  The last 2 1/2 months has started wearing on us.  This wonderful gift, from all of those who had a part in it, was just what we needed at this point in our journey to buoy us up.  John and I haven't had this much time to reconnect and talk to one another since the first of June when Erin was diagnosed.  I am so thankful for my wonderful husband.  I am so thankful that we are married and that we are so in love.  I am thankful that he is such a wonderful father.  He spent the last 8 days alone at the hospital taking care of Erin while several of her caregivers were home sick and couldn't be around her.  I was so impressed with how well he did taking care of our Little Air Bear.  None of us had ever spent more than 3 nights at the hospital and he just did 8!  What a wonderful man.  I am so thankful that we can share this burden together. 

Thank you again, for helping us!

We forgot something

We stayed up packing until 12:30 am last night. We were up at 7:00 am and were out the door two hours later. I was surprised that the kids were so well behaved and excited to be going back to the hospital. We had our van loaded up and we were on our way. As usual, as we drive away John and I start listing things and making sure we didn't forget anything. . . toothbrushes, underwear, socks, etc. We always forget something. Today it was the GPS, we left it in the Honda Civic. But, we weren't too upset about that, it's really just an added convenience. So we didn't turn back to get it.

We got going uphill into Logan canyon when our mini van lost power and slowed to a standstill, luckily John got it to the side of the road before it completely died. This exact thing happened to me last week and we replaced the fuel pump and the fuel filter. We said a prayer and asked that we would be able to get the help that we needed. We called the guys who worked on the van and John had a look under the van. Fuel was dripping from the "unattached" fuel filter. Niiiice, a faulty fuel filter! Trying saying "faulty fuel filter" 5 times in a row, it'll keep you occupied while you sit on the roadside waiting for a tow-truck.

We called my mom, she took my lil' sister to our house and got our Honda Civic and they drove out to the canyon to meet us. The kids ended up in the front seats of the van as we waited and we gave them a lesson on counting the coins we found in the car. It was nice to use the extra time to teach the kids something new. We put everything in the Honda as the tow truck arrived. It was ideal timing. We drove off only one hour behind schedule.

We were thankful for the willingness of my mom and sister to just jump in their car and save us. We were thankful that the car problem was the mechanics fault and that we didn't have to pay for it. We were thankful that we had some extra time to just sit and chat and have fun in the car on the roadside. We were thankful that this happened in Cache Valley and not somewhere else.

We also thought it was a little ironic that we ended up with the one thing we forgot in our hurry to leave, our GPS.

Count Your Many Blessings - Even With Acute Myeloid Leukemia

I have been thinking a lot about how blessed we've been, even as hard as it was to hear that Erin has Acute Myeloid Leukemia M7. It's hard to put into words how this challenge has truly been a blessing to our family. I don't mean to put things lightly or to be frivolous with the severity of Erin's illness, but there has been so much silver lining throughout all of this.

"Count Your Many Blessings Name Them One By One"

It couldn't have happened at a better time. Just 5 days before Erin was diagnosed, John finished a school year with Cache County School District and had just begun summer vacation. My accompanying had slowed down so we suddenly had a lot of extra time on our hands.

It's summer. Yes, we are stuck inside, but at least we don't have to worry about H1N1. The hospital doesn't let anyone under age 14 up here during flu season, that would've meant that Cecily & Caleb wouldn't have been able to even see Erin while she was here.

I have gained a better eternal perspective on life. My eyes have been awakened to what I can take with me when I leave this mortal body. I can't take my newly remodeled bathroom, I can't take my piano, I can't take my favorite jeans, nor can I take the money in my pockets. What I can take with me is my family, my relationships with others, and my heart.

A year ago we seriously considered taking a job in Arizona. If we had moved we wouldn't have had the family support that we have here. And, we wouldn't be near as close to Primary Children's. Living so close to my parents, so many cousins, and John's sister and her husband has been a humongous help.

I have learned to cry. I am serious when I say that I was a cry-only-three-to-four-times-A YEAR kind of girl. There have been many times I have wanted to cry, but I didn't. Maybe I was ultra-tough and now I'm being softened. In any case, I've made up for the last 31 years worth of crying that I missed. It feels good.

Just a few months ago we considered buying a new home but it just didn't feel right. I can't imagine being in this same position without the amazing support we've received from our wonderful ward and neighbors that we have grown to love so much in the last 6 years.

Being on the receiving end of so many people's generosity is an overwhelming feeling. I used to be so tough and hard and not want anyone to help me. I have learned to say "yes" when people offer help.

The laptop I had been using needed to get back to Logan. John and I talked about buying a new laptop for me here at the hospital so that I could have some connection to the outside world. I took the laptop back to Logan on Monday afternoon and to our amazement a brand new laptop arrived in the mail that same day as a gift from all of my siblings. We didn't tell anyone that we needed or wanted to buy a laptop. It's wonderful how the Lord works.

Just a week before Erin's diagnosis I organized everything. I printed out my summer piano teaching schedule and had it ready to go, I made 3 month summer calendars for the Young Women and handed them out to the leaders, I retrieved some letters from parents for an activity and turned them in almost a month before they were due, I had all my finances for June set up and ready to be paid. These things may seem trivial, but when this trial turned our world upside down, I had the peace of mind that all the "assignments" I needed to do were already done.

Due to the generosity of several people (including the mechanics at Expertec) we were able to do some major work on the engine of our van and it is running like new again.

One of the biggest blessings for me is that I'm beginning to understand some of my baptismal covenants more. When we are baptised we covenant to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light. We promise to be willing to mourn with those who mourn and comfort those who stand in need of comfort. All my life leading up to Erin's diagnosis I guess those phrases were just words to me because I didn't realize that I didn't understand them until now. Never in my life have I been so lifted in my burdens, never have I had so many people mourn with me and comfort me. I am ashamed that I haven't been more willing to bear other's burdens and mourn with them. Having a child with cancer has helped me see so many Christlike examples. I am humbled by your willingness to mourn with us and to help us lift this burden so that it is light. Thank you.

Tags: "Childhood Acute Myeloid Leukemia" "AML" "Leukemia" "M7" "Acute Megakaryocytic Leukemia"

The wise man built his house upon a rock

Our biggest trial started yesterday. Looking back though, we have been slowly prepared for this. On Monday as we were driving to the Swenson Grandparents for a Memorial Day dinner, Cecily was singing "The wise man built his house upon a rock."

The wise man built his house upon a rock
The wise man built his house upon a rock
The wise man built his house upon a rock
And the rains came tumblin' down.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
The rains came down and the floods came up.
And the house on the rocks stood still.

When she finished singing, John took the opportunity to teach Cecily about the meaning behind that song. As we build our lives upon the Rock of our Salvation, our Savior Jesus Christ, then when the rains descend, and the floods come and the winds blow and beat upon our house it will not fall.

Last night with my heart and mind full of the whirwind of events of the day I opened my scriptures to where I had left off the night before. Just a few verses into my reading of the Resurrected Savior visiting the Nephites I came upon these verses.

"Therefore, whoso heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock - And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock." 3 Nephi 14: 24-25.

The Spirit gently reminded me of our conversation with Cecily about building our lives upon our Savior. I am thankful for all the things (for lack of a better word) in our lives that have helped us build our foundation on Christ. Our beautiful children that are such a blessing to us, our extended family and friends who are so supportive, daily prayers, scripture study, temple attendance, going to church each week, our callings and having the opportunity to teach lessons from which we end up learning the most, the daily chances to serve and be served.

I know that we will be supported in our trials and our troubles and our afflictions.